Avenging the Lamb

So I've come across a not-too-unfamiliar idea.
It's for me to start being less pathetic.
From physical aspects to emotional; it all has to be improved upon
Changed
Rearranged
and jettisoned even.
I'm going to eat better at my three scheduled meals, regardless of my contempt with the food, for the sake of my health
and I am going to exercise a bit in my own privacy whenever appropriate.

I'm already taking artistic steps forward but I am still holding myself back, obviously. I will take more chances from now on-
especially with mixed media since I've always been reluctant to actually pull different 'non artistic' media and items and combine them together in an aesthetically appeasing way. Paper machete, old items and fabrics, dead animals- whatever the situation calls for I will make an effort to overstep my 'expected' boundaries and make something good for once.
I am too wrapped in concepts. Few times have I ever finished anything. Not even that redundant artist's line where 'nothing I ever make is truly ever finished.' As true as that may be, I mean rather generally, nothing I make is anywhere near done. Getting the color, composition, texture and all the elements and principles and combining them all in an art piece is something I'm not too adept at. Well I need to fix that..

And fix I will!

From my body, to art and now to my mind

I can't make any promises just yet but I will make more of an effort to escape this disgusting shell of mines and interact a bit more. Talk a bit more, stop holding my tongue. As far as I see it, I should stop worrying about the feelings and thoughts of other people, as predictable as they may be, because all it is doing is hindering me from making a move on anything. If someone wants to take offense to something I say or think of me as an idiot for a not-so-funny joke then they can bear the wrinkles from frowning on their own. As annoying as it may be for me, I'm going to take my chances to talk for once and only give half a shit for what is going on through the other person's head.
I'd get my thought out and still be giving half a shit more attention to the other person's easily readable tell-signs than normal people give; so all would still be pretty well, more or less.

Let's see what happens!

Maybe I'll fuck up and not do a thing, huh?

Or maybe I'll do it all perfectly and just end up screwing up something else in the process.
Either way...

Something's going to break and hopefully something will grow!

But whichever one happens, I'm still going to have to eat such a depressing meal 2-3 times a day.



Oh dear.